Evelyn's 4th Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Evelyn! She turned 4 on August 13th. How is that possible?????

Longing and Patience, 18 Years

A poem by Mary Oliver, "March":

There isn't anything in this world but mad love. Not in this world. Not tame love, calm love, mild love, no so-so love.And, of course, no reasonable love. Also there are a hundred paths through the world that are easier than loving. But, who wants easier? We dream of love, we moon about, thinking of Romeo and Juliet, or Tristan, or the lost queen rushing away over the Irish sea, all doom and splendor. Today, on the beach, an old man was sitting in the sun. I called out to him, and he turned. His face was like an empty pot. I remember his tall, pale wife; she died long ago. I remember his daughter-in-law. When she died, hard, and too young, he wept in the streets. He picked up pieces of wood, and stones, and anything else that was there, and threw them at the sea. Oh, how he loved his wife. Oh, how he loved young Barbara.
I stood in front of him, not expecting any answer yet not wanting to pass without some greeting. But his face had gone back to whatever he was dreaming. Something touched me, lightly, like a knife-blade.I felt I was bleeding,though just a little, a hint. Inside I flared hot, then cold.I thought of you.
Whom I love,
madly.

Todd and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary on July 24th. We were too poor to do much and we shared one card and wrote to each other on it, laughing at how things have come to this.

Mom and Dad, who will celebrate their 58th wedding anniversary this August, are getting ready to get into their new townhome. We are excited to get to be part of the family team helping out with the move. My sister, Pam, was out from Iowa and we had a fun time getting to catch up a little. She was a big help to my parents with packing up and getting ready for the move. Can't wait to celebrate with Mom and Dad in their new place. It's been a long journey for them with lots of frustration along the way. Patience, patience, patience....

Fourth of July and Garden Scenes

The Role of Boredom In Our Lives

I was bored this week. I don't usually think of myself as having any time to be bored but that's the irony. This week I was bored of the things I was busy with. I had so much to do and none of it inspired me. I was even bored of parenting. Now before you think of me as a bad parent, you must understand I never stop loving my children but I long for other things. The every day tasks, the neediness, the routine. I was just completely done with it emotionally. Looking back at the way I dealt with stress as a child and teenager, I can see how much personal and alone time I required. This week was a good reminder of how much I need the time by myself. Last night Todd watched the kids while I locked myself in the bathroom and played violin for two hours. I felt immeasurably refreshed afterwards. Big sigh.....

I can also feel myself being drawn back to the many interests I put on hold while the kids were infants and toddlers. Now that Evelyn in almost four and Finley is 7 1/2 I have a little more energy to poke my head up above the fog and see longer term goals and desires again. There's a shift in energy taking place in our household. Life is just a series of transitions.

Today we spent a good portion of the day at Lake Wilderness in the wonderful sun, playing in the sand, floating on inflatable rafts. Balance is restored in my universe.

Anybody Want A Peanut?

Evelyn in baking mode, channeling Martha Stewart????
The view of Mt. Shuksan on morning of Ski to Sea Race.
Our crazy "Family Business" teams, 1 and 2 the night before our race!
Our crazy and TIRED "Family Business" teams 1 and 2 AFTER the race!
Spa day in the Sargeant household.
Finley and Evelyn waiting for me with Todd while I did a little Xcountry skiing.
Todd's 45th birthday in April! Happy Birthday Todd!
Evelyn and Finley ready to go home after Powder Pigs!
Our little student...
One of the first times Finley went up on the chair lift!
Pizza, pizza, french fries, french fries....

The kids and I have been watching "Princess Bride", over the past few weeks and I love the quotable quotes from that movie. I like this quote because of it's context in the movie. The two underlings rebel in their own way against the abusive boss man, Vezzini, by speaking in rhyme and making a game out of it, even as he berates and insults them. "No more rhymes! I mean it!" yells Vezzini. Fezzik replies, "Anybody want a peanut?" I think of it as a type of inspiration for life! Don't ever let 'em get you down!

Also, just watched Will Ferrill and Maggie Gyllenhall sp?, in the movie, "Stranger Than Fiction". Loving good fiction and literature I really enjoyed it. Kind of reinspires me to keep living the life I really want.

The more masochistic members of my family signed up for the Bellingham Ski to Sea Race this past Memorial Day Weekend. I being one of them. I completed the cross country leg in record time! Slow that is! LOL I wasn't last but close to it. These kinds of experiences just have to make you appreciate the role of pain and suffering in our lives. I'm not sure what that is, but one should appreciate them right?

Finley is literally counting down the days until school is over. Todd and I are gearing up for summer projects and little mini-vacations. Although with kids, is there any such thing as a "Mini vacation"? They all seem to take the same effort.

I am looking at programs to earn my teaching certification for elementary education. I'm so excited! I probably should have done this a long time ago, but in any case, I'm doing it now. Many things in my life have been leading me in this direction for a long time. I have been rebelling against my own skills and talents, wishing for those I don't possess while trying to discount the ones I do. I've loved being the art docent in Finley's first grade class and have enjoyed getting to know the kids and the teachers. And I've learned a lot about art history in the process!

Garden wise, things are very lush with all the rain this spring. My vegetable garden is sparse right now. Not much inspiration with the lack of sun this spring. Lettuce, radishes and carrots are doing fine though. Our wild salmon berries are in full bloom so hoping for some fun picking episodes for the kids. My purple clematis is blooming right now and the roses are close to blooming. Framed by spires of foxglove and surrounded by mounds of lady's mantle, my garden is finally starting to look like the cottage garden I dream of! Hostas are humongous and colombines are dainty and prolific. I love it. It's all in need of a little weeding but everything is so lush it still provides beauty and relaxation when I walk outside in the mornings and evenings. Having a little piece of earth is heaven...

Even in the midst of losing loved ones and acknowleging one's own mortality, there is such beauty in our lives. Todd and I don't get a lot time together but when we do we find our sense of humor still in tact, our desire to spend time together still there. It will have been 18 years of marriage this July and even though we do our share of driving each other crazy, I still enjoy his company. A good man...

New Year's Resignations, Love and Digging Out

Even three months into 2011, I haven't quite felt like welcoming this new year. Disappointments and grief have marked these first few months so I haven't felt much like blogging. Even my private diary hasn't had many entries. I've been on auto pilot...

In December we finally completed our short plat for our property. However, our hopes for my parents buying it and building a home behind ours were crushed when the appraisal for our home and half acre came in too low for our mortgage company to approve the sale of the second lot. Well, let me rephrase that: they wouldn't let us sell it for a reasonable price. We would have had to charge almost twice what the market would currently warrant. Our mortgage company wouldn't even talk to us about the deal until we'd gotten a boundary survey and had the short plat approved. Thus, thousands of dollars later: ARGGH! We've all had to regroup and think of plan B and C options.


My dear aunt, Charlotte, my mom's younger sister and only sibling, also passed away in January, leaving us all shocked, grieved and reminded of how quickly our lives can change. Life is such a mystery and we must love while we are here. There is no other reason for existence but to ease the burden of each other's lives and add joy where we are able. Charlotte did just that and we can be inspired and motivated to make sure our relationships are full of love and forgiveness and fun!

So, that's how the year has begun. In the midst of the suffering though, there have been many moments of bittersweet joy, profound and meaningful insights and epiphanies. I find myself not depressed, but rather frustrated and thwarted and maddened by the roadblocks in my life right now. I've been blessed with the support of family and friends. For that I am beyond grateful. I'm thankful beyond words for Todd's love for me and the kids and his unwavering commitment and patience and problem solving attitude. He's so willing to forgive and move on and his sense of humour is a blessing.

I just finished reading the book, "Half the Sky". A married couple, Pulitzer Prize winning journalists, wrote it about the oppression of women around the world. It was inspiring and a catalyst for attitude changes in my life, similar to the reaction I had after reading "Three Cups of Tea." Great book! If more people, including policy makers and politicians on both sides of the aisle, would read it, our world would be a different place.

Finley and Evelyn are still my amazing and wonderful and crazy-making children. Parenting continues to be the most demanding educational experience of my life. Finley's in first grade, thriving and learning so much, making new friends and gaining new skills, both emotionally and intellectually. Hurricane Evelyn daily blows through with imagination, creativity, dancing, stormy moods and piercing screams as well as lovely hugs and pictures to put on the fridge.

Projects around the house continually demand attention. Todd ripped out our bathroom floor upstairs after a leaky toilet tank ruined our IKEA flooring. We now have a nice new floor and a repaired toilet. A month or so ago, our septic pump broke down requiring a new pump and timer and much to our chagrin, relocating the raised bed that we had inadvertantly planted over our septic tank pump access lid! Another big ARGGHHH!! So we have been digging out both literally and figuratively, setting things right and changing course. Difficult but necessary choices are being made.

I have faith that this year will end much better than it was begun.