Now no one ever said that parenting was exactly easy, but I do wonder at all the information that maybe, conveniently, was never passed on to me by all my friends with kids and older siblings and for gosh sakes, my own parents! Perhaps if we really knew what was involved with raising children the growth rate in the U.S. would be even slower!
My Work Compared to Others’ Work:
Lately, I’ve been slightly aghast at how one day flows right into another, with hardly a distinction except for the weather or less sleep or an easier or more difficult time of it. Don’t get me wrong! I’m not complaining. I just have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the modern world and lifestyle and how it all relates to the work we do. I have been thinking of my 12-year-old, Laura Ingalls Wilder days reading all those books about the pioneers and how hard their lives were. Everyone getting up so early, just to make food and take care of the animals and hardly a moment for anything called leisure, at least until the winter time. And then once can hardly call it leisure, by our modern terms. Imagine in winter, being confined to a poorly lit cabin with no electricity or running water or central heat. Hmmm. Maybe I have been complaining…
My mind keeps going back to a quote I found in the December 2003 issue of The Sun. There was a series of photos by Ethan Hubbard entitled, "The Task At Hand ", and he writes:
In my wanderings through small villages around the world, I have often sat and marveled at how people in other cultures perform their daily work. There is an acceptance of the tasks at hand and a pride in exerting excellence. At the end of a day their harvest is contentment and sweet sleep.
The word energy comes from the Greek energes, which means “in ones work.” When people are truly “in their work,” they have energy. When workers fail to bring heart to the workplace, they have no energy. The industrialized nations have succumbed to greed, and the harvest of our offices is a withered crop of stress, disease, and disillusionment. Rural or indigenous people, on the other hand, are still connected to the earth. Their energy can be seen and felt in the food they grow, in the songs they sing, in the dances they dance, and especially in the labors they perform.
Perhaps the Incas had it right: they did not differentiate between work and leisure.
Personally, I think Ethan Hubbard may have been romanticizing things a bit. Many people in deep poverty and Third World conditions have no choice but to work hard and I imagine there simply isn’t a choice to not be “in ones work.”
Do Americans Really Work Hard?
Although Americans are known for working long hours and taking short vacations, I would venture to say that the vast majority of us have no idea of the kinds of conditions that some people suffer through. So while I know I have it good, I still find myself trying to find faster, easier ways to do things and balking at the reality of how long it takes to do certain things. Like clean the house! My mom came over the other day to watch the kids while I caught up on some things. We were discussing how long it takes to do things. She was there all afternoon and all I accomplished was laundry, dishes, taking out the garbage and recycling, giving one bathroom a cursory cleaning and doing a little tidying up.
Leisure time!
Maybe that sounds like a lot, but there is always so much more that needs doing. Somehow, I thought I might be able to clear out four years of clutter, paperwork, toys, outgrown baby clothes, stacks of magazines and mementos in the space of four hours. There is no end to my To Do list and somehow, in the back of my brain, I still believe there should be an end. Some point at which I become like my old carefree self with no children, a young marriage and a good old 9 to 5 job. Time to sit and flip through channels or read the paper from front to back, write hand-written letters to friends, organize my sock drawer, go for a bike ride with my husband; you get the picture.
But then, I wonder, do I really want leisure time or just time to get more done? Am I addicted to my To Do list? What would I do with my leisure time? I think about the Protestant Work Ethic and our deuteronomistic value system in which we believe that good things happen to good people and part of being good is being hard working and deserving. How engrained this is in my life!
The Biblical Version of Martha Stewart:
If I could only be “good enough” my problems would just go away. I always got a kick out of Proverbs take on a good wife. (By the way, this is a Proverb said to be given from the words of King Lemuel’s mother. No wonder this is such a laundry list of supernatural achievement! Is it that no woman would ever be good enough for this woman’s son or is it the fantasies of a man?)
A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant,
She brings her food from far away.
She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household
and tasks for her servant-girls.
She considers a field and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.
She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all her household are clothed in crimson.
She makes herself coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known at the city gates,
taking his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them; she supplies the merchant with sashes.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her a share in the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the city gates.
(Now just let me find that passage about a good husband…) Another favorite from Proverbs:
“A stupid child is ruin to a father, and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.
House and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
It’s A Small World After All:
Now please don’t think I am being disparaging of men nor on the other hand, do I believe that a woman should really be all things to her husband and kids, or even have a husband or children for that matter. I am approaching this existentially. I am a wife. I am a mother. I have 24 hours in a day just like every other human being on this planet. I do lament the scarcity of leisure time in my life at the moment. On the other hand, I know this to be a short term complaint. My babes are growing so fast. The work required of me now is not always easy, but pretty simple. My children’s needs are uncomplicated and easily met. (Their wants are a different matter!) It is physically and emotionally exhausting but deeply satisfying for me. Despite the repetition of my daily tasks, there is immediate gratification in being able to mark the passing of time by immersing myself in this pleasant (most of the timeJ), child-centered routine. My circumstances are so fortunate compared to many: I have a wonderful, supportive and loving husband who seems to exist purely to make my life easier. I have two adorable, healthy, smart children. We live near our loving families who offer their capable support readily and willingly. Sure, we have our challenges but there have always been solutions to our problems. We have a roof over our heads, space to relax and enjoy nature and plenty of good quality food and clean water. I am a wealthy woman by most of the world’s standards.
So I go back to the words of Ethan Hubbard:
There is an acceptance of the tasks at hand and a pride in exerting excellence. At the end of a day their harvest is contentment and sweet sleep. And that sleep is sweet because there is so darned little of it, I must say. But it is indeed, sweet and I have to admit, in a strange, unexpected way, I am content.
